Thursday, June 30, 2011

Camping and relaxing

Ahhh...a simple weekend in the woods. Away from it all. Back to nature. Back to a slower pace. Camping with the son and daughter-in-law and the daughter and son-in-law. My husband won't touch camping with a 10 foot fire-poker. Hates it. Bug-swatting, tick pulling, creepy crawlies in tents, and don't forget this is July in the south. 97 degrees this weekend. No air-conditioning.
Geez Frank...what's not to love?

As for me, I need to kick back and relax under the stars. Oh--that reminds me...I have to get the air mattress blown up. I refuse to sleep on the ground at my age. By the way, the very last time Frank and I camped together it was in July and we had an air mattress--that deflated during the night! Hmmm....maybe there is a connection. Okay, so air mattress. I better start a list.

1. Air mattress.

We don't own a tent. I did have one, once. Getting the blasted thing to hold still long enough for me to attach one part of the pole to the other bendy pole was the equivalent of driving a cooked spaghetti noodle in the ground and expecting it to stand erect while I ran to the other side and tied another limp noodle to it.

But once I finally got it together it was okay...until the storm.
Apparently that extra part was a rain-fly. The torrents pouring on my air mattress really didn't matter though, since the sweat had already puddled underneath me. At least the tent protected me from the bearcoons. Well, somewhat. The buggers plundered our camp, opened the cooler and ate our chips. They were actually cute, (after my heart started beating again from the thought that it may be bears picnicking in our camp.) I could just see my trying to 'play dead' as they dragged me off into the dark woods. And 'play dead' I would, complete with stinky smell emitting where I had popped my britches when the bear grabbed me.

Well, they were cute until they ripped open my coffee canister and spilled my only source of Joe all over the ground. Unfortunately, they don't allow guns in state parks and my aim with a sling shot isn't very good. I decided then and there, I wouldn't be caught in a tent with only a flimsy canvas wall between me and the raging wildlife. My coffee would sleep with me from now on.

2. Camper (with solid walls, preferably metal).

Since we don't own a camper I am taking Frank's work van. Oh, he grumbled a little about having to remove all of his tools, tool boxes, and a full-sized riding mower, but I explained that I needed it. I wouldn't get a lick of sleep thinking one of those bearcoons might get me. After an hour of begging, he gave in. After 3 hours, I had the van unloaded and my air mattress blown up and situated in back (since they have no electricity for the pump at the campground).

Wait--no electricity? How am I supposed to have coffee in the morning? I can't hike and fish and function without my caffeine. Oh dear, this is not good. Well, my brother has a camping peculator. That will do. Only, he lives 30 minutes away and I'm already tired from digging out the air mattress from storage and clearing out the van. Dern. Well, no way around it.

3) Camping peculator.

Okay, let's see...I have a cooler. But I will have to go to the store to get ice and food and drinks. And I have to get my cast iron frying pan. Thankfully it's in the kitchen. Ummm, spatula and utensils, cups. Yummy, I love campfire baked potatoes, maybe some burgers. And after dinner...
Rats! After dinner I want to ride bikes while the guys fish. But I don't own a bike.

4) Bikes.
Hey, maybe my friends will let me borrow 3 bikes, one for all the girls. A call out to Facebook lands me the three bikes, 2 from my aunt and one from a friend. The friend lives right around the corner. But the aunt lives another 30 minutes away. *Long sigh* Now I have to move that blasted air mattress to make room for the bikes that I must go pick up. Another round-the-world trip.

I gotta have a fan since the windows will be tightly shut in the van to keep the critters out. Of course the van has no air-conditioning. electricity. Do they make battery operated fans? Maybe the Dollar General Store has them? So, when I go out to get the bikes I need to go by the grocery store and the dollar store, too. And I still have to pack my own stuff. And where in the world are those rafts I had last year? I thought they were in the closet...

Lord have mercy! I'm worn out.

Packing and running and gathering and trooping into the woods and setting around a campfire in 100+ degree heat and eating charred food and sleeping in a sauna...and...AND...paying to do it!

Man, I can't wait to go camping and relax. Frank just don't know what he's missing...Or maybe he does.


DEE said...

Sharon, Hampton Inn, their's one near you. hahaha...You are too funny! But I'm sure you'll make more pondering's on the camping trip. Watch out for those bearcoons and buggers. And have a great day!

owlover said...

That was a great story...your such a great writer :) i love to read all you stories! I have never been camping but I am sure I would love it and I WOULD NOT SLEEP ON AN AIR MATRESS :) hope you have a great day and can't wait to read the new ones you post